"When you are trapped in a[n] emotional] flashback, you are reliving the worst emotional times of your childhood. Everything feels overwhelming and confusing, especially because there are rarely any visual components to a C-PTSD flashback."
When I read that paragraph in Pete Walker's book, COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving, I audibly gasped. It was like correctly guessing the answer to a riddle I didn't know I had been asked.
There had been so many times when my reactions to things were out of left field and didn't make logical sense in the context of what was happening.
Like when I would shut down during playdates with my girls because the other moms talked about how involved their parents were with their kids. The emptiness I felt would last for hours, sometimes days, and I had no idea why...
Or when my husband would have plans with his friends, and I would give him the silent treatment or pick fights with him until it was time for him to go. He'd drive off, confused and hurt, and rage would bubble up inside me until it erupted in uncontrollable screams and sobs that refused to drown out the chanting in my brain.
No one wants to be with you.
You don't matter.
You're worthless.
No one loves you.
Emotional Flashbacks And What Triggers Them
Walker describes emotional flashbacks as "intensely disturbing regressions to the overwhelming feeling-states of your childhood abandonment" or "amygdala hijackings."
These acute and often crippling emotional episodes are triggered by present-day events and situations that consciously or unconsciously remind us of traumatic past experiences.
Emotional flashbacks can leave you feeling especially confused, helpless, and unsafe because there's no specific memory to "explain" why you feel the way you do, as with the visual flashbacks more commonly associated with PTSD. This makes it challenging for us to recognize when we're experiencing them.
Figuring out what things tend to trigger emotional flashbacks can be difficult as well because it usually happens on a subconscious level. Triggers can be external (people, places, certain activities or events, tones of voice, a look someone gives) or internal.
Internal triggers are more common than external triggers and are often activated when we're hypercritical of ourselves and/or afraid of getting something wrong.
Dreams (whether we remember them or not) are another common internal trigger for emotional flashbacks.
Walker says, "...the disconcerting experience of falling asleep feeling reasonably put together and waking up in a flashback" is hard to reconcile.
If you remember your dreams, what inspired them might be reasonably obvious (as well as what triggered the emotional flashback you woke up to.) If you don't remember your dreams, there's no reference point to help you figure it out.
Recognizing An Emotional Flashback
If you feel like you're spiraling, acting "crazy," or dissociating, it's probably an emotional flashback.
According to Walker, there are common signs of being in a flashback: "...we feel small, helpless, and hopeless." Our inner critic gets louder and meaner, and we judge ourselves (and others) more harshly.
Since I started working with psychedelics and doing the integration practices recommended by my therapist, I haven't experienced many emotional flashbacks. There have been less than a handful in the last two years that I can remember. When I do have one, it's much less intense, and I can resolve it pretty quickly.
Looking back, I see that my past emotional flashbacks often presented as severely disproportionate reactions to the situations that triggered them. In those moments I believed everyone (including myself) was terrible, nothing good would ever happen to me again, and life as I knew it was over.
I felt so out of control when I flashed back because what I understood logically didn't match how my body responded. As Walker points out, that happened because these "amygdala hijackings are intense reactions to the emotional memory part of the brain that override the rational brain."
4 Tips To Help You Manage Your Next Emotional Flashback
1) Acknowledge the flashback: Identifying an emotional flashback and reminding yourself of what's happening is often enough to lessen the intensity and start the recovery process. Pay attention to physical sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Notice if your reactions are disproportionate in response to what's going on in the moment.
2) Have compassion for yourself: Remind yourself that your emotions are the result of the trauma you experienced, and you are entitled to them. They are valid; you deserve compassion, empathy, and comfort - especially from yourself.
3) Do something that soothes you and makes you feel grounded: Grounding techniques help bring your focus back to the present moment. Walking outside barefoot is one way to do that. If that's not possible, touching the objects around you can help anchor you in the present. Breathing exercises and mindfulness meditation can also help reduce the intensity of a flashback.
4) Pay attention to what triggers you: When you're able to identify the people, places, situations, and activities that trigger flashbacks for you, you can take steps to avoid them. If avoidance isn't practical or realistic, you can set boundaries to protect your emotional health, which will help you manage your reactions more effectively in the long run.
I have two practices for soothing myself during an emotional flashback. I also find them effective when it's difficult for me to relax or I'm processing grief from the past.
The first one is box breathing. I put my right hand over my heart, breathe in for four counts, hold for four counts, breathe out for four, and hold for four. I use this technique when I'm feeling stressed, frustrated, or have a lot on my mind and need a reset.
I’ve struggled with insomnia for most of my adult life and while it happens less often now, there are still times when I have trouble falling or staying asleep. A few minutes of box breathing and a sleep meditation on the Peloton app usually does the trick.
My favorite self-soothing practice isn't really a practice per se, but it makes me feel comforted and calm almost instantly. I wrap myself in my "therapy" blanket (a cozy faux fur throw I splurged on from Pottery Barn), put my adjustable bed on the zero gravity setting, and rest for ten to twenty minutes. There’s something about feeling held in that “floating” position that settles my nervous system very quickly.
If you don't have an adjustable bed (no one else I know does), you can replicate this position by lying back in a recliner or propping your back and the lower half of your legs up with pillows.
If you want to dig a little deeper into emotional flashbacks (or anything else related to C-PTSD), I highly recommend reading COMPLEX PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. It's the most comprehensive book I've read on complex trauma, and I go back to it often.
Pete Walker has many free resources on his website as well, so be sure to bookmark it.
Thank you for sharing. I like the tips to help manage... especially the grounding and breathing. I use deep breaths for everything now, and yoga has helped me tremendously.
Amygdala hijacks! What a perfect way to describe the experience of executive function unraveling. I also really appreciate the distinction you made between CPTSD and PTSD—that CPTSD doesn’t typically have visual flashbacks. Light bulb moment! 🙏