Don't postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons. Joy is your lesson. ~Alan Cohen
I cried as I watched Jolene back her rental car down my driveway.
I slid onto the recliner in my office and allowed the tears to come. Then I texted Steve that my best friend was going home, and I was sad to see her leave.
For once, I didn't force myself to stop crying or busy myself with something else to avoid my feelings. And I reached out to someone I trust for comfort and support.
This is progress.
For me, healing has happened in a million tiny, hard-to-describe ways that nobody else is likely to notice. But I notice, and I'm so grateful for how far I've come.
This time when Jolene came to visit, instead of worrying about how much time we'd have to hang out or how hard our last day together would be (before she even got here), I appreciated every moment we had and was able to be present and enjoy it.
And instead of scheduling a bunch of activities to make sure she had a memorable visit (so she'd want to come back), I let go of my expectations of what we "should" do and was open to whatever sounded like fun each day.
One day we hiked:
But mostly, we just did everyday things like shopping, eating out way too much, staying up late doing puzzles, and watching sunsets like these:
For most of my life, I’ve had a hard time leaning into joy. It seemed like it was something reserved for other people. It’s nice to finally know I deserve it too…
And I feel lucky to have people in my life who help me embrace it.
This is beautiful Christy and you absolutely deserve to experience joy. You are enough 🙏
Christy,
“In a million, tiny ways.” What touches me are all the self-observations you made along the way and then leaned into shifts--letting the feelings come (all of them), letting things unfold, letting ordinary be joyful. . . . Your comment in comments about healing in relationships is also profound.
What presence!